Favorite Random Movie Quote Thread...

[Mr. TBS]

"Yeah, my roomates were talking about getting me a CB so I could talk to other car beds."




"Let's stay inside so everybody can see what a pussy you have ok because when I remove the blade that I keep in my boot from its sheath I cannot return it until it has split blooood"



"So you got fired again, eh?"
"Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, ya' know?"
"Yeah, well, I lost my job too."
"Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense."
""No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred."
"Hey, chicks love it. Its the shaggin' wagon."




"Everything. OK! I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out... But the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life."



"Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it."




"Come in. Hurry up."
"Are you sure this is OK?"
"Yeah, it's totally cool. Just keep your voice down - my roommates are sleeping."
"You mean your parents?"
"Yeah, same thing."
"...Nice jammies."
"Thanks! They're a present from my roommates."
"That's cool."



"I am gonna straight-up murder your ass."


"My uncle says you’ve got a screw loose."
"Your uncle molests collies."


"What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?"
"Well, that's pretty difficult to say."
"Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?"
"Not good."
"You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?"
"I'd say more like one out of a million."
[pause]
"So you're telling me there's a chance."



"Oh no."
"What the fuck was that?"
"The motor. We've thrown a rod."
"Is that serious?"
"Yup."



"Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?"
"Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off."
[to the Panda]
"Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk."
"Great story. Compelling, and rich."


"You, flock of seagulls, you know why we're here? Why don't you tell my man Vincent where you got the shit hid?"
"It's over there."
"I don't remember askin' you a Goddamn thing! You were saying?"
"It's in the cupboard. No, no, the one by your knees."
"We happy? Vincent! We happy?"
"Yeah, yeah, we happy."
"I'm sorry, I didn't get your name. I got your name, Vincent, right? But I didn't get..."
"My name's Pith. And your ass ain't talkin' your way out of this shit."
"No, no, I just want you to know... I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so fucked up with us and Mr. Wallace. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never..."
"[Jules shoots the man on the couch] I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished. Well then, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?"
"What?"
"What country are you from?"
"What?"
"What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?"
"What?"
"English, motherfucker, do you speak it?"
"Yes."
"Then you know what I'm sayin'!"
"Yes."
"Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!"
"What?"
"Say what again. Say what again, motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time!"

[slowpokemcgee]

" [taps his glass eye with a knife] I know your works. You are neither cold nor hot. So because you are lukewarm, I will spew you out of my mouth. You can build your filthy world without me. I took the father. Now I'll take the son. You tell young Vallon I'm gonna paint Paradise Square with his blood. Two coats. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts. As for you, Mr. Tammany-fucking-Hall, you come down to the Points again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me eat in peace. "

[slowpokemcgee]

"Bring... bring it home? All right, let's bring it home. If you was hit by a truck and you was lying out there in that gutter dying, and you had time to sing *one* song. Huh? One song that people would remember before you're dirt. One song that would let God know how you felt about your time here on Earth. One song that would sum you up. You tellin' me that's the song you'd sing? That same Jimmy Davis tune we hear on the radio all day, about your peace within, and how it's real, and how you're gonna shout it? Or... would you sing somethin' different. Somethin' real. Somethin' *you* felt. Cause I'm telling you right now, that's the kind of song people want to hear. That's the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain't got nothin to do with believin' in God, Mr. Cash. It has to do with believin' in yourself. "

[slowpokemcgee]

"There's not a day goes by I don't feel regret. Not because I'm in here, or because you think I should. I look back on the way I was then: a young, stupid kid who committed that terrible crime. I want to talk to him. I want to try and talk some sense to him, tell him the way things are. But I can't. That kid's long gone and this old man is all that's left. I got to live with that. Rehabilitated? It's just a bullshit word. So you go on and stamp your form, sonny, and stop wasting my time. Because to tell you the truth, I don't give a shit."

[Smashingt]

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.

[eSabre]

"I was there. Yeah, it was called the '80s. Ford was President, Nixon was in the White House and FDR was running this country into the ground. I was bummin' in a hole-in-a-wall town in what is now called Utah. Some fella from Colorado shows up, starts making so called 'improvements', right? Before we knew what hit us, the streets are running with latte. It got so bad that a fella that liked to, you know... smoke a little grass or drink a little ripple... crow like a rooster, maybe challenge the mayor's son to a gentlemen's duel, was 'uncouth, against God.' More like bad for real estate values. So we had to go..."

[Patrick!]

"License and registration, chickenfucker!"

"you're like a miniature little Buddha, but covered in hair."

"You ate a whole wheel of cheese? AND Pooped in the refrigerator? I'm not even angry, I'm impressed!"

[Mr. TBS]

"Is your name Semi because you're the size of a huge mac truck or because you're semi-retarded?"

[treydawg]

Mooj: Life is about people. It's about connections.
Andy Stitzer: It's all about connections.
Mooj: It's not about cocks, and ass, and tits.
Andy Stitzer: Yeah.
Mooj: And butthole pleasures.
Andy Stitzer: It's not about butthole pleasures at all.
Mooj: It's not about these rusty trombones, and these dirty sanchez.
Andy Stitzer: Please stop.
Mooj: And these cincinatti bowties, and these pussy juice cocktail, and these shit stained balls.
Andy Stitzer: Mooj, just please stop.



Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.

[Mr. TBS]

"Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had."
"If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now."
"Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man."


"So, you are obviously the big dick. The men on the side of ya are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big brave balls, and there are little mincey faggot balls."
"These are your last words, so make them a prayer."
"Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun..."
[Zoom in on the side of Sol's gun, which indeed has "REPLICA" etched on the side; zoom out, as they sneak peeks at the sides of their guns]
"And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"..."
[Withdraws his gun and puts it on the table]
"Written down the side of mine..."
[They look, zoom in on the side of his gun, which indeed has "DESERT EAGLE .50" etched on the side]
"Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off!"

[treydawg]

Bonus points for any Big Lebowski quotes in here

[Mr. TBS]

[slowpokemcgee]

Bonus points for any Big Lebowski quotes in here

"Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please."

[Toughsy]

Now you guys look at me with the funky clothes and the backwards hat and you say to yourself "now this guy's a chump" am I right?

Well what you don't realize is it takes HARD WORK makin somethin this PRI-TAY look like a chump.

[Wiener Knife]

And believe it or not,
in every man, there's
a code written that says:



"Tackle drunk bitches."



Of course it don't feel right.
What has felt right for you
didn't work.



You need to try
some wrong, dawg.

[Toughsy]

Rule #76, no excuses, play like a champion.

[BarryDingle]

Madeline: I'm sorry, who are you again?
Fletch: I'm Frieda's boss.
Madeline: Who's Frieda?
Fletch: My secretary.

[Pondslider]

--I dunno, I think that bull-dyke reporter is gonna burn us.
-I don't think she's a lesbian, Dad. She's pregnant.
--Bull dykes can get pregnant. Anyway, I'd back out now, but we need the press.

[The Invisible Hand]

I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes till the biggest battle of our professional lives all comes down to today. Now either we heal as a team or we’re gonna crumble, inch by inch, play by play, 'til we’re finished.

We’re in hell right now, gentlemen, believe me. And, we can stay here -- get the shit kicked out of us -- or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell one inch at a time.

Now, I can’t do it for you. I’m too old. I look around. I see these young faces, and I think -- I mean -- I made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who’s ever loved me. And lately, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know, when you get old in life things get taken from you. I mean that's...part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losing stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches. So is football. Because in either game, life or football, the margin for error is so small -- I mean one-half a step too late, or too early, and you don’t quite make it. One-half second too slow, too fast, you don’t quite catch it.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.

They’re in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch, because we know when we add up all those inches that’s gonna make the fuckin' difference between winning and losing! Between livin' and dyin'!

I’ll tell you this: In any fight, it’s the guy who’s willing to die who’s gonna win that inch. And I know if I’m gonna have any life anymore, it’s because I’m still willin' to fight and die for that inch. Because that’s what livin' is! The six inches in front of your face!!

Now I can’t make you do it. You got to look at the guy next to you. Look into his eyes! Now I think you’re gonna see a guy who will go that inch with you. You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows, when it comes down to it, you’re gonna do the same for him!

That’s a team, gentleman!

And, either we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals.

That’s football guys.

That's all it is.

Now, what are you gonna do?

[Wiener Knife]

JACK
Tyler, you are by far, the most interesting single-serving friend I've ever met.

Tyler stares Jack. Jack, enjoying his own chance to be witty, leans closer to Tyler.

JACK
See, obviously everything on a plane is single-serving, even--

TYLER
Oh, I get it. It's very clever.

JACK
Thank you.

TYLER
How's that working out for you?

JACK
What?

TYLER
Being clever.

JACK
(thrown)
Great.

TYLER
Keep it up then. Right up.


TYLER
You know man, could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

JACK
There's always that. I don't know, it's just...when you buy furniture, you tell yourself: that's it, that's the last sofa I'm gonna need. No matter what else happens, I've got that sofa problem handled. I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was so close to being complete.

TYLER
Shit, man, now it's all gone.

JACK
All gone.

TYLER
Do you know what a duvet it?

JACK
Comforter.

TYLER
It's a blanket, just a blanket. Now why guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival? In the hunter-gathered sense of the word? No. What are we then?

JACK
You know, consumers.

TYLER
Right. We're consumers. We're by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty -- these things don't concern me. What concerns me is celebrity magazines, television with five hundred channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra.

JACK
Martha Stewart.

TYLER
Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishes on the brass of the Titanic. It's all going down, man! So fuck off, with your sofa units and your green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve and let the chips fall where they may. But that's me, I could be wrong, maybe it's a terrible tragedy.

JACK
No, it's just stuff.

TYLER
Well, you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for a modern life.

JACK
Fuck, you're right.

Tyler offers Jack a cigarette.

JACK
No, I don't smoke. My insurance will probably cover it, so...

Tyler stares at him

JACK
What?

TYLER
The things you own, end up owning you. But do what you like, man.